A smooth, robust bottle of red wine, fine chocolate, and a good book, with jazzy blues playing in the background perfectly describes my first day of retirement.

A nice bottle of Apothic Red, “inspired by the ‘Apothica’, a mysterious place where wine was blended and stored in the 13th century Europe, was conveniently available in our little corner store. A box of handcrafted Belgian Chocolates created in a little town further along the way, was picked up via curbside delivery. Due to covid19, I didn’t have a new book, so I pulled from my bookshelf of Margaret Atwood books.

In the field of work that I have retired from, self care is very important, both for the families we worked with and for ourselves. During one of the more tumultuous times in my life, my husband recognized that I was in great need for some self care. Being a stay at home mom at the time, finances were tight. My dear husband turned inside out every pocket, purse and couch cushion til he had gleaned enough to cover a Margaret Atwood reading and the purchase of the book she would reading from… So I pulled Wilderness Tales from my bookshelf and immersed myself in the written word.

A nice break in my day happened when a couple of friends dropped by with an impromptu concert of Connie Kaldor, another great Canadian artist, songs. Good friends, good music, good vibes.

Covid19 has kind of halted any retirement plans made. So I am just going to settle in and groove to whatever comes my way.

“Is the spring coming?”he said. “What is it like?” “It is the sun shining on the rain, and the rain falling on the sun.” Frances Hodgson Burnett

Don’t wait for someone to bring you flowers. Plant your own garden and decorate your soul. Luther Burbank

Come with me into the woods, where spring is advancing, as it does, no matter what, not being singular or particular, but one of the forever gifts, and certainly visible. Mary Oliver.

That is one good thing about this world – There are always sure to be more springs. L.C. Montgomery

It is spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you’ve got it, you want – oh, you don’t know quite what it is you want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so! Mark Twain

Flowers are the music of the ground. From earth’s lips spoken without sound. Edwin Carran

April has searched the winterland And found her petted flowers again; She kissed them to unfold her leaves, She coaxed them with her sun and rain,

And filled the grass with green content, And made the woods and clover vain. Hannah R Hudson

In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.” Margaret Atwood

John 1:1-2. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.

The author of the Gospel of John, is the apostle John, ‘the disciple whom Jesus loved’. The words of this fourth book of the New Testament flow from the pages of the Bible directly into my heart.

‘Read the New Testament’, is #21 on my list of 65+ things to do after turning 65.

I decided to start with the book of John. It is my favourite book in the Bible. Now I will go back and start at the beginning of the New Testament, with the book of Matthew.

John 3:16. For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

I am writing these lines while watching Jesus Christ Superstar on TV, and the words I read earlier today come flowing back into my brain.

Today has been a very quiet, and peaceful, Easter Sunday. Easter dinner, with just my husband and I, was somehow just as rewarding and special as a large family gathering.

And the easter bunny didn’t stop by.

John 21:29. Then Jesus told him, Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.

Not since the Spanish flu, in 1918, has the world come to such a complete stop.

Parks are closed, the malls are closed, all but essential services are closed. Gas is cheap, but we have nowhere to go….

As difficult as this continues to be, signs of optimism are in the air as government committees are being formed to help our economy recover after this Covid19 pandemic is over.

On April 7th, John Prine, always the singer-songwriter, composer, recording artist and live performer, passed away due to complications of Covid19. One of the things we had planned to do this summer, was to be at for Mariposa Folk Festival where John Prine would be performing, helping to celebrate the festivals 60th anniversary.

We know, and love, the words to his songs so well.

I particularly love these words from the song, Spanish Pipedream.

We blew up the TV, threw away the papers. Went to the country, built us a home. Had a lot of children, fed them all peaches. They all found Jesus, on their own.

I’m so glad we’ve lived our life close to these words. It makes days like these so much easier.

• 

As winter leaves, and spring arrives. The days are cold, and getting warmer. Song birds sing, awakening us, as we remember: everyone is staying home today.

Or most of us anyway. Working from home, caring for children at home. Or at home because our jobs have been postponed.

Except for those who have to go out. Our health care providers, our emergency workers, and essential employees, working so that all of our needs will continue to be met.

As our old normal fades, a new normal emerges.

A new chapter in our lives is being written. And we are the author. How this chapter is written will be personal for each one of us. A personal journey of solitude and isolation.

It is a time for deep self-reflection. A time to discover our strengths, and our weaknesses, and our supports.

A time to read a new book, listen to a new song, learn a new dance. A time to educate ourselves in the wonderful world of technology. A world of technology that allows us to remain in visual and verbal contact with those we hold dear, anywhere in the world. It is a time for spiritual growth.

A time to discover a world of virtual churches, virtual coffeehouses and virtual boardgames.

As tragic, what the world is experiencing is, it is also a time of learning and discovery.

Children, playing in mud puddles, going on backyard scavenger hunts, and painting flowers on windows. The art of baking bread, cooking from scratch, and preparing for spring gardens, has returned.

A time for science, and medicine, and great minds. A time for global co-operation.

All of our chapters will be different, individual, personal, important. Our chapter will prepare us for the next phase of our lives. How will your chapter read?

• 

I have been doing home visits for over 20 years now, with retirement a few weeks away.

And I have never been afraid. I have walked down alleyways, up rickety stairs, across roof tops to more rickety staircases. Into buildings where I knew drug deals might be going down. Bed bugs and head lice and other little critters did not keep me away. I was never anywhere that I did not want to be.

Then along comes this invisible germ. This little bug, a coronavirus, a submicroscopic pathogen that scientists have named Covid19. And I am feeling afraid. I am not invincible against it. It is keeping me away from where I want to be. I long to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time. My heart is breaking with the realization that I have completed my last home visit.

My very insightful and caring son, an avid basketball player and fan, while understanding my concerns and feelings, told me that I was in good company. He shared a story about Vince Carter, a former Toronto Raptor, currently playing for the Atlanta Hawks. Vince was very much looking forward to playing his last season, knowing that he would be on the basketball court with players who had yet to be born when Vince had played his first game. His season also came to an abrupt end.

Everywhere in the world dreams are ending or being put on hold. There is both hope and fear in what the future holds for us.

This morning, my husband and I sat at our dining room table and participated in a virtual Worship service led by the Pastor of our church. It was a very intimate and spiritually uplifting time, singing and praying together. Around the world many people were doing the same.

Philippians 4:6 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your request to God.

Yes there is fear.

Yes there is isolation.

Yes there is panic buying.

Yes there is sickness.

Yes there is even death.

But,

They say that in Wuhan after so many years of noise

You can hear the birds again.

They say that after just a few weeks of quiet

The sky is no longer thick with fumes

But blue and grey and clear.

They say that in the streets of Assisi

People are singing to each other

across the empty squares,

keeping their windows open

so that those who are alone

may hear the sounds of family around them.

They say that a hotel in the West of Ireland

Is offering free meals and delivery to the housebound.

Today a young woman I know

is busy spreading fliers with her number

throughout the neighborhood

So that the elders may have someone to call on.

Today Churches, Synagogues, Mosques and Temples are preparing to welcome

and shelter the homeless, the sick, the weary.

All over the world people are slowing down and reflecting

All over the world people are looking at their nieghbours in a new way

All over the world people are waking up to a new reality

To how big we really are.

To how little control we really have.

To what really matters.

To Love.

So we pray and we remember that

Yes there is fear.

But there does not have to be hate.

Yes there is isolation.

But there does not have to be loneliness.

Yes there is panic buying.

But there does not have to be meanness.

Yes there is sickness.

But there does not have to be disease of the soul.

Yes there is even death

But there can always be a rebirth of love.

Wake to the choices you make as to how to live now.

Today, breathe.

Listen, behind the factory noises of your panic

The birds are singing again

The sky is clearing,

Spring is coming,

And we are always encompassed by Love.

Open the windows of your soul

And though you may not be able

to touch across the empty square,

Sing.

– from Richard Hendrick, in Ireland, March 13th 2020

• 

When I was a child, apples were the one food that we could freely, without permission, eat at will.

During the winter and spring months the Apple Man, with his truck full of apples, would stop by on a regular basis. He had bushels of apples in various variety, colour and taste. Each time he would stop by, my parents would purchase a bushel or two, setting them in the corner of the kitchen for cooking and eating.

In the summer and fall months, our own apples trees provided this crispy, crunchy, fresh treat. We had a few russet apple trees beside the house, that gave us a hard, sweet green/brown apple. An apple tree that bore big, sweet, red apples grew at the front of the Kleine Bos (small bush) along side our strawberry field. But the best apple was the large yellow apple that grew in the fence line that separated our property from our nieghbours.

One of my earliest memories, of life in our new home in the country, is of the day that a group of neighborhood ladies stopped by with a big pot of Apple Pandowdy. I can still smell that slightly spicy smell, and taste the sweet delicious taste of creamy, carmelly smoothness. This was the only time I experienced this ever-so-wonderful dessert. That is until this past week when I goggled the infamous dessert and made my own big pot of Apple Pandowdy. It was a yummy treat but didn’t compare to my memories of that wonderful afternoon.

• 

The Apple, also makes an appearance in Scripture, Genesis 3:6-7. “When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and desirable for gaining wisdom,

she took some and ate. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. “

Is the plentifulness and affordability of this humble fruit a reminder to all who partake in it, of that day in the Garden of Eden and the consequences of that most expensive meal?

Usually, in the winter, I prefer to spend a lot of time indoors, reading, writing, working on jigsaw puzzles. But these past couple of days, in the midst of a stormy, snowy blizzard, I had this great urge to be outdoors. The temperature was bearable, our snow covered trees provided protection from the winds, and the gently falling snow made the world resemble the inside of a snow globe. Snow flakes fluttering before reaching the ground, often being swept away by the wind.

Going outdoors in the winter is so much more inviting when it is something you want to do, versus something you have to do.

I found my snowshoes, dusty from lack of use, and stepped out into a wonderful wintery wonderland. The tracks I had made, yesterday, had all but disappeared.

It’s amazing how quiet the world is when you are surrounded by snow covered trees. The rustle of autumn’s old brown and yellow leaves, the crackles of winter’s bare branches, make me believe that when a tree falls in the forest when no one is there; it makes a noise.

Life’s changes are often hard to make. Even the good ones.

For the past 20 years, I have been very privileged to work in a field that I am passionate about. Helping people stand strong, on their own to feet, makes for a very rewarding career.

I knew that retiring would happen one day. And that day is very quickly approaching. This change is something that I am ready for.

In the distance, I can see the yellow brick road that leads to the golden years. I am very excited to set foot on that path.

“I will be retiring from my position as Family Home Visitor with Healthy Babies Healthy Children. My last day of work will be April 30th. These are some of the hardest words I have ever written.